Local Man pushes for sex strike

Local Man has really lost it this time. While in Denver, he's pushing for an addition of a one-day sex strike by women to the state's constitution. According to Channel 7 in the Mile High City, Local Man Wants Sex Strike On Ballot.

The idea is not entirely new, says the TV station. In the fifth century Greek comedy "Lysistrata" by Aristophanes, the female residents of a Greek town barricade the public funds building and withold sex from their husbands to end the Peloponnesian War.

Local Man tries to kill Local Boy

Apparently there is a problem in the Local Family. While passing through Bloomington, Indiana, Local Man was picked up on some serious charges. According to the Indiana Daily Student, Local man arrested for attempted murder of son.

Local Man a horse fan

Whenever Local Man has had some extra time and money lately, he's been handcrafting a giant equine to show off his talents. The Tribune-Chronicle in Mesopotamia, Ohio, reports: Local man building oversized horse. Dedication will take place in July during the annual ox roast.

Locals alive and well and playing squash

Haven't heard much about our favorite family lately, so it was good to hear this report out of Niagara Falls: Locals alive at squash nationals.

Local Man sets good example

Here's the Local Man we all love, fighting for truth, justice and the American way. As we see, our hero has been in Peoria, Ill., where according to WHOI, Local man takes stand against deadbeats.

Local Man on the down-low

We've been looking for Local Man these past few days, but strangely he's been leading an ultra low-key life. Then we find out from the Circleville (Ohio) Herald that he has been missing: Local man not found on Monday.

Local Man a quiz show genius

Local Man is smart. Being smart helps him when he hits a new town -- he knows how to pick up some quick cash wherever he is. So it's no surprise KIMA-TV in Yakima, Wash., is reporting about his Jeopardy exploits: Local Man Winning The Big Bucks On Jeopardy.

Local Man realizes 1970s dream

Who hasn't had this dream? Local Man recently fulfilled a decades-long desire to get face to face with Dolly Parton. The Cleveland Daily Banner reports: Local man meets Parton, life long dream realized. He also got to meet Marsha Brady!

Local Man top newcomer in kitchen

Local Man's prowess in the kitchen has caught the attention of a top food magazine. Says Channel 3 in Philadelphia: Local Man Named America's Best New Chef.

Local Man a hero in Canada

Local Man was busy the other night in Cincinnati scanning the Internet for threats to children when lo and behold he discovered an anonymous threat aimed at a Montreal school. Says the Kentucky Post: Local Man Thwarts School Shooting In Canada.

Local Man Down Under

Local Man is down in Australia today turning the tables on those who seek to find his identity. Rather than let others ask questions of him, he's on the offensive, reports the Latrobe Valley Express, which published: Local man's quest to put a face to a name .

Local Man not a handyman

We never said it was a good idea to let Local Man into your home. Just a hunch, based on his checkered past. So it's no surprise to see the Times Daily in Florence, Alabama, reporting: Local man charged with home repair fraud.

Local Man ... hee hee

We admit it, we giggled when we saw the headline Local man rides the nobbies to the big time, but wouldn't you? Anyway, it appears Local Man has fun in his spare time motocross racing in Zanesville, Ohio.

Local Man selling fake Rolexes

We always wonder how Local Man supports himself. We hear things from time to time. Sometimes he appears to be a nefarious scoundrel. Apparently this time he's selling fake Rolexes. neSays the Windsor Star: Local man investigated.

Local Man puts family to work

Local Man has a conscience, of course, and he tries to instill that on all his relatives. So it's not surprising Local Man made a family outing out of Earth Day festivities in Canada. According to a St. Catharines, Ont., newspaper: Locals pitch in for city cleanup

Local Man hits high speeds

We always knew Local Man was a speedy fellow, able to cross whole continents in the blink of an eye. Apparently he is putting that talent to good use in the American Le Mans Series. Take it from the Daily 49er, Cal State Long Beach's definitive source for campus news: Local man reaches high speeds.

Local Man turns 40

We can't vouch for the veracity of this story out of Texas, but in addition to caving in to the "reality" TV craze, Local Man is turning 40 and will do so before a studio audience (ed. note: we could have swore he was actually about 140 years old, with some Dorian Gray thing going on). Says the Herald-Zeitung: Local man to be featured on reality show.

Local Man helps kids

Local Man isn't do all bad things during his extended stay in OK. According to the Enid News: Local man pioneers school program.

Local Man continues Oklahoma crime spree

If anyone had asked us a week ago, "Dear Sirs: What are the chances of Local Man ever visiting Oklahoma?" we would have shaken our Magic 8-ball and replied, "Don't count on it."

But here we are now with evidence that Local Man has become stuck in some sort of twisted Groundhog Day (note: Local Man is not Bill Murray), caught between being really bad and only occasionally doing some good.

The latest evidence: The Cowley County News Cow reports Local man flees police; wanted on warrants.

Local Man spills beans on Pope

Apparently in between his jail stings and court appearances, Local Man did get to meet Pope Benedict. In fact, back in Allentown, Penn., WFMZ reports: Local Man Talks About Meeting with Pope.