Saturday, April 19, 2008

Local Man helps kids

Local Man isn't do all bad things during his extended stay in OK. According to the Enid News: Local man pioneers school program.

Local Man continues Oklahoma crime spree

If anyone had asked us a week ago, "Dear Sirs: What are the chances of Local Man ever visiting Oklahoma?" we would have shaken our Magic 8-ball and replied, "Don't count on it."

But here we are now with evidence that Local Man has become stuck in some sort of twisted Groundhog Day (note: Local Man is not Bill Murray), caught between being really bad and only occasionally doing some good.

The latest evidence: The Cowley County News Cow reports Local man flees police; wanted on warrants.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Local Man spills beans on Pope

Apparently in between his jail stings and court appearances, Local Man did get to meet Pope Benedict. In fact, back in Allentown, Penn., WFMZ reports: Local Man Talks About Meeting with Pope.

Local Man not okay during extended stay in OK

Oklahoma doesn't seem to bring out the best in Local Man. We've seen him do a lot of things over the years, but he must be hanging out with the wrong crowd down south. The Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise reports: Local man pleads ‘no contest’ to slew of charges.

Local Man helps fight rising gas prices

In rare video footage, chameleon-like Local Man dons a disguise to tell Oklahoma drivers how to save money when filling up with petrol. (no word on whether this, too, is in Tahlequah.

Local Man Offers Gas Pump Tricks

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Local Man loses job, wins millions

We've never really believed Local Man has held a job for more than a few days, so the unemployment part doesn't surprise us (actually we're leaning toward the Bruce Wayne theory right now, that Local Man is independently wealthy, allowing him the time to experiment with time and space bending).

But still, we are surprised he would be buying lottery tickets, as he recently did in Queens: Unemployed Local Man Wins $14 Million Lottery.

Local Man doing better

It's hard to figure out exactly how he gets around the world so quickly, seemingly defying time and space, but that's the mystery we will one day solve involving Local Man. But somewhere between taking potshots at pedestrians and chatting up the Pope, he was in Normal, Ill., where, according to The Pantagraph, Local man's condition upgraded to fair after motorcycle collision.

Local Man gone loco

We jut can't explain this one. It doesn't fit Local Man's m.o. But there it is, in black and white, a Wheeling, Ill., newspaper reporting Local man charged with shooting at pedestrians.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Local Man meets Pope (again)

Local Man sure has the Pope's ear. Going from town to town, he has managed to be that lucky one who gets to meet (or guard) the visiting Vatican. As WFMZ in Allentown, Pennsylvania reports, Local Man to Meet with Pope.

Local Man released on bond

Local Man appears to be in some sort of twisted Groundhog Day down in Oklahoma. The Tahlequah Daily Press reports on the mystery man for the third day in a row: Local man accused of exposure.

Local Man meets Pope

Not surprisingly, as we read a Syracuse report earlier this week that Local Man would be escorting the Pope, but today we read from a Rochester TV station that indeed Local man meets Pope Benedict.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Local Man stuck in Tahlequah

Wait -- wasn't Local Man just locked up in Tahlequah? Today we read: Local man charged with child neglect, domestic abuse. Maybe the Tahlequah Daily Press should take a closer look at this story and tell us what's really going on with Local Man in their town.

Local Man thwarts robbery

This is the Local Man we are more familiar with. According to WCTV down in Moultrie, Fla., Local Man Scares Away Potential Robbers.

Local Man up to no good?

We're pretty sure they've got the wrong guy. There's no way the Local man sentenced to 15 years in Tahlequah could be our Local Man -- as long as we've been tracking him he's never been to Oklahoma.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Local Man doing good again

Local Man was spotted in Maryland, back to his good deeds. The Frederick News-Press reports Local man helps returning vets, aiding them in coping with post traumatic stress disorder.

Local Man on 60 Minutes

While usually keeping a somewhat lower profile, showing up in a brilliant yet contained flash that doesn't pass the city limits, Local Man has thrown caution to the wind, this time in the name of medical research. WINK News in Florida says Local Man Profiled on 60 Minutes for Cancer Research. Will his true identity be revealed? Stay tuned.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

BREAKING NEWS! Local Man to escort Pope

Of all the adventures Local Man has had over the years, of all the lucky breaks and tight situations he has found himself in, this has to be the biggest. WSYR-TV in Syracuse reports Local Man to Escort Pope!

Local Man builds car for new museum

Local Man has been very busy lately. This weekend it was noted by a Pennsylvania TV station that Local Man Builds Car for America on Wheels Museum. What skills doesn't Local Man have? Besides an apparent lack of personality (or some would say reality distortion field) that keeps people from remembering his name, it appears his talents are endless.

Local Man is an artist

Verifying reports we've heard over the years, Local Man is indeed an artiste. According to the Republican & Herald in Pennsylvania, Local Man crafts masterpieces from clay, with one of his prized pieces being an 8-inch version of Mick Jagger.

Stop the press: Local Man's offspring doing good too!

We never doubted it, but Local Man has children. And he has apparently passed on to them the do-good gene, as you can see from this report from Fort Erie, Local kids doing great things. With this evidence left behind by Local Man, we've dispatched a correspondent to find his babies' mother and see if we can learn more about the mysterious globe-trotting stranger.

Local Man's sight improving

Local Man recently received free eye surgery. The cataract work was part of a nationwide promotional event sponsored by Bausch & Lomb.

We imagine winning a contest without having a fixed address is not easy, but Local Man has that sort of amazing power which transcends what normal persons are capable of.

But this story from the Indiana Daily Student confirms Local Man's preoccupation with golf.

“I’m golfing in Myrtle Beach next week,” he said. “After my new vision, the people I’m golfing with better bring some extra money.”

Local Man a hero

Local Man: one day he's pulling hepped up on goofballs and robbing pharmacies with a sawed-off ballpoint pen; the next day, two towns over he's a hero pulling a woman out of a burning car, according to News Now 10 in upstate New York. Perhaps one day a news outlet will be able to get Local Man to sit down for an extensive interview and see what makes him tick.

Local Man survived sinking of Titanic

Little did we know, but Local Man was a crew member on the Titantic. He was the ship's commodore barber, who personally attended to the grooming of the great financier J.P. Morgan during previous transatlantic crossings, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer.